I was going through the motions of daily life, with a smile on my face, trying to be the perfect mom and wife, but it I was really struggling. I felt trapped. Trapped in a body I hated and that seemed to hate me right back, trapped in the house during a bad winter, and trapped being the kind of mom and partner I didn't want to be. I felt like I was losing myself. In short, I was barely holding it all together.
We had no money for a gym membership, private trainer or medication, and I had no time join Weight Watchers or to start seeing a therapist. One Spring day, as we shared and apple while forcing myself to take the kids for a walk around the neighbourhood, I realized that was the way out for me - my love of cooking and the outdoors!
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| Abby's first hike with mom April 2013 |
Eating healthier seems like a no-brainer when you want to get in shape and feel better, but it's so much easier said than done. Living with a newborn will suck the life out of you, and the will to cook - or rather to prepare and clean-up after meals - was the first thing to go around here. LOL! Oh the children were eating well, and at least one of them sleeping soundly, but Steve and I were like zombies, sleep-deprived, drinking too much coffee and never, ever finishing a meal.
I started menu planning again, shopping at the farmer's market, using my crock pot and some shortcut cooking methods, and bringing the boys into the kitchen with me, and before we knew it we were back on track again.
The exercise part of the equation didn't seem that easy at first but it really wasn't that hard. I've always loved being outdoors, specifically hiking, camping, backpacking, and just generally playing in the forest. We're were doing a lot of hiking, camping and bushcrafting before I got pregnant, and it was one area of life I was determined to regain after a pregnancy-followed-by-a-wicked-winter hiatus. Getting back on track by getting back to nature seemed like a perfect fit. It's mostly free, doesn't require expensive special equipment and I can get out there anytime, anywhere, depending on how all the other demands of life stack up. As Abby's first Spring started to bloom, I determined to get out for at least a walk every day possible.
I did pretty well that first Spring and Summer. I'd bundle her up in her jogging stroller after Jonas went to school, along with her diaper bag, bottles and lunch. Then we'd hit a local trail for a hike, and often a trail-side lunch and maybe even a little bushcraft. She logged a lot of naps in the fresh air! We averaged about 4 hikes and several kms a week until the weather turned ugly in the late Fall.
After school and on the weekends, and then most days in the summer, Jonas would join us, and we'd go on more exciting adventures. There's nothing like trying to keep up with a ten year old boy to spice up a walk. In addition to hiking with Abby, he and I continued our tradition of camping, with both one-on-on trips and camps with our Cub Scout Pack. We worked on his camping skills while we were at it, which he prefers to the actual hiking part.
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| Hiking with my boy August 2013 |
It became so much fun! Nature became my therapy. I started feeling better and feeling really good about life and myself again. I started to love being a mom again and I think they started liking the mom they're stuck with more, I don't ever recall feeling so healthy. It really helped my postpartum depression, I lost my pregnancy weight and started feeling strong and centred again. I have to admit, pushing that stroller along trails and through the bush felt a little dorky at first, but the burn in my legs and lessening jiggle in my butt made that feeling disappear pretty quickly.
As we counted down the days until Christmas 2013, I dreaded the coming of 2014. On January 13, 2014, after a year on maternity leave, I would go back to work full-time. That thought filled me with dread, on many levels, but most of all, I feared the loss of my trail time. The exercise, the fresh air, the sunshine, the time with my kids, my mental health... I feared losing it all.
While taking the kids out tobogganing after a big storm at the end of December, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that I needed to make the time. It was as simple as that. I had to make it a priority to get outside. I made a commitment to myself, right then and there, that I would go for a solo hike at least twice a week. I also vowed to take the kids out at least twice a week. It might only be for twenty minutes, but I promised myself that at least twice a week, I would go for a solo hike, either before or after work or at lunchtime.
That was four months ago, and I've done pretty well. I'm a bit of a workaholic, so I hardly ever go out at lunch time, but I've squeezed in a hike a couple of times a week most weeks. I've seen some great sunrises and sunsets, been snowed on and rained on, been accosted by a nosy swan, and it's taken the support of my awesome husband, but I've done it.
I'm not breaking any distance or time records, and I don't have the body of a triathlete, but I'm feeling good. I'm happy. I'm starting this blog as a sort of on-line journal for myself and my kids. I want to give my children with a healthy lifestyle and role model and hopefully this blog will help keep me on-track. They gave me a cool new camera yesterday for Mother's Day, so I take that as a good sign of support.
Thanks for helping to keep me motivated, my friends!
bpj
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